This little girl breaks furniture, This little girl breaks laws.

It was always like that
Every day She’d look at me with the same expression
Her eyes looked the same, that’s it.
Looking to see if I had changed
Watching carefully, watching closely
To see if I had developed some kind of defect overnight
And upon the first sign of such a disease
I swore she would kill me

Everything about her was immaculate
Which is why She organized everything into neat little towers
Hoping the structure would give Her the answers She so desperately needed

She couldn’t even tell you why She wanted me.
Never need.
But want.
Companionship is a luxury, not a necessity She always said.

And one night, when she was sitting in her study
I crept behind her and pressed my hand over her face
And with my motion
I felt her mouth stretch and pull into a greasy smile behind my palm
She told me not to worry

She knew I was a monster.
_____________________________________________

Good god, depression is nasty shit.

P.S- The above awp is oooold. Oooooold.
I just wanted to get it out of my drafts, and I thought it was sort of fitting.
More like a reminder of why I’m going through what I’m going through.

Anyway, glad I’m feeling better.
Even if there are going to be small relapses. I feel just fine today.
And I’m grateful for any kind of relief.

I’m not going to explain in detail what has been going on.
But every one of you could probably guess.

However, I’m glad that I haven’t recently been in contact with the source of my sadness.
And even more than that, I am GLAD I have the friends I do.
I can’t even believe the shit they’ve been doing for me to make me feel like myself again.

My good friend of five years lives hours away from me, and she’s making a trip up to see me!
Not only that, she’s been letting me call her whenever I feel weak in my resolve.
She talks me through it every time. It’s so awesome.
It just reminds me why she was the first girl I ever fell in love with. Part of me will always be just a little in love with her. lol

A group of my older, (gayer) friends have been making me hang out with them from time to time.
And getting hit on all the time, even for fun, really helps the self-esteem. xD

Not to mention my guy friend who has been coming up with daily activities to keep my mind off of things. Teaching me things, buying me almost whatever kind of food I want. Watching tons of really awesome movies. Letting me crash at his place so I’m not near anything that would even remind me of what I’m missing.

And finally, my newest friends.
Granted I’ve known them for a while now, but they seem more than ready to help me out whenever they can. They’re a fantastic group of girls.
They really appreciate my humor, and are genuinely sad whenever I go home at the end of the night.
Hell, they even tried giving my ex and I relationship advice when they saw I was still desperately hanging onto it.

It’s just nice to get calls from a big group of people and hear, “Oli, you poo! We miss you! Come see us! We love you!”

I’m not so alone after all.
I’m really an “out of sight, out of mind” kind of person sometimes.
And I forget how many wonderful people I have in my life.

Thank you.
All of you.
Even if you wont read this. I feel very blessed to know you all.

[Ty, I love you too. xD I just hardly see you these days. Poobutt.]

I’m not dead.

Just going through the motions of post-break up depression.

I’ll be back when I’m not a depressing pile of poo.