Update.

My neighbor Joe is really creepy.
Whenever I sit outside in my car/some else’s car.
He watches.
Always.

I don’t know why.
Maybe he gets some kind of weird pleasure out of it.

But tonight he was at it again.
I was sitting outside with my girlfriend.
And he kept coming out!
First to back his car into the driveway. Which was already parked, mind you.
Then to take something out of his car.
Then to take something else out of his car. Some really ridiculous glass mirrored display case that took him a good twenty minutes to maneuver inside.
Then to re-back into his driveway.
Then for some other reason.
…
It’s so strange.

Anyway.
Things are getting back to normal for me.
Or something.

Actually, I’m not quite sure how they are. xD
I’m just not feeling apprehensive all the time.
Things are moving, I suppose.
I’m just back to feeling comfortable and slightly…well, that doesn’t matter.

SO. Over all things are alright.
School is alright.
My health is alright (thank god).
I’m alright.

Home sucks, but whatever. xD

Cheers.

Song Association (Self)

Angry Angel
Imogen Heap

This is an obsession, a kind of agression with himself
It’s the way he’ll always be
He loves to rebel
To go against his ten commandments
For him, thats just being free.

And he always will, get his thrills, the only way he knows how
Well it might make you frown
But he just loves, being that dove, roaming where he cares to go
To a state of mind that no-one knows

Over there stands my angry angel
And he’s shaking his head, in disgrace with me
Yeah over there stands my angry angel
And he’s frowning like hell, but I’m not feeling guilty

Over and over again, more and more for the pain
To release himself, from this shell
Time after time
You may glare at him for the way he looks
Like something drawn up from hell

But that’s just his cover
From what is under it
All his imagination, his
Passion for a creation
Which he has discovered,
Uncovered a world, of
Amazing sensations
His own little nation

I dont care,
I’m flying

Muse.

there is no why
there is only the motion
of explaining the thought process

evolving
endlessly
eroding
          what is left

i create as i see fit

How very Poe.

I just watched the trailer for Saw V.

Prisoner + Giant falling slicey thing.
How very familiar.

Anyone remember The Pit and The Pendulum?

I left my phone on.

I’m sitting here.
Again.
Freezing.
In nothing but my underwear.

And I’m leaning over my bedside. Reaching for the pills I keep forgetting to take.

Wondering if I’m shivering from the cold.
Or just shivering from impulsive self-medication.

I keep having to remind myself that I don’t have feelings.
Just impulses that need to be quenched.

That the release of dopamine is just the result of my brain tricking my body into believing something that’s not there.

Because lord knows a comforting scene shoved into my conscious can’t be the cause of it.

Shouldn’t be.

And it definitely won’t remind me that I shouldn’t be somewhere I’m not wanted.

And it most certainly won’t make me question the truths I’ve come to adopt.
Because that’s all I’ve got.
And I can’t let those go.

Breeder #2

Back in August, I put up a picture of me with my Daddy.
I thought it was about time for a feature with mom.

Although I’ve got a tendency to complain about her a lot, she loves me.
Even if she is voting yes on Prop8.
But she can’t help it if she’s a bigot. :’D

_____________________________________

And another thing.
Listen to the band Rogue Wave.
I’m falling in love with them hard.

Dear, Oli.

STOP SAYING THINGS ON IMPULSE.
Stop it.

Seriously.
It gets you into trouble.

Most days I feel like I’m just waiting for it to be late enough to sleep. So I can wake up and do it all again.

It’s over.
Jesus Christ, it’s over.

I can start the recovery process.
It’s going to start.
Here it goes.
And wont it be nice when it’s over.
And I can be friends with you and not feel what I feel now.

On a side note.
Hopefully it doesn’t take me another four years to find someone else I consider worthy.
_________________________________________

I made purple pants today.
Well. Dyed my white ones purple.
They match my hair.
_________________________________________

I got my results back from the IQ test I took.
Mom’s so proud.
I’m only twenty points lower than she tested. D: -seethe-
Which she hastily pointed out.

Mom always said I was a smart girl.
Just. Not as smart as her.
_________________________________________

Christopher Buckley.

I will be reading the fuck out of all your novels in the upcoming months.

For those of you who don’t know who he is-
Remember the movie “Thank You For Smoking”?
Yeah. His novel.

Political satire is hilarious. Which is why I’m going to read his work.
I suggest you all go do the same.
_________________________________________

Sweet Sweet Heartkiller by Say Hi To Your Mom is a super cute song.
Go listen to it.

_________________________________________
I found this old picture of me.
I’m so jealous of my hair. It looked awesome.
I need a haircut.

And just really quick.
Here’s a six month comparison. Since I’m always curious to see how I’ve changed.

That’s a very recent picture.
_________________________________________
This has been a public service announcement.

Absolutely not.

Here I am, Mr. Rational
Here I am, provocation
Here I am, youth
Preying for manipulation

I am my lust, my fears
Here I am, insecurity

Fate, fortune, luck, chance

I have arrived at destiny
But have concluded nothing
_______________________________

Alterations in proximity
traveling into view
watching these things fly
into the atmosphere
wandering through my line of vision
i question its intentions
filtering into line
i want to betray it
i want to stifle it

actions arrive as they are perceived
_______________________________

I have no idea what I’ve just done.
Literally.

I should have just gone home.
It’s not a game.
It’s really not.