Sometimes.

I just gotta make myself laugh.

Somebody told me tonight that I looked like a serious person. Just about knocked me over.

I should get the charm out and make someone laugh. Things have seemed so serious lately.
Reminds me of a song this girl used to sing me.

Most things remind me of a song. xD
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I really enjoy the hazy feeling I get early in the morning.
It’s like a thousand hiding voices saying:
Take your time
Take a breath
Ignore the rest
Do not forget the sound of silence
Do not forget this feeling of peace
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Man, talk about nostalgia bomb.
I’m on my PC right now searching through all my old pictures.

Summer ‘06. Man, what a good time.

I have so few pictures of me smiling genuinely.
When I see myself like that. I dunno. When I look at it, I can feel how happy I was at that moment.
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I really wish one of my favorite hobbies wasn’t analysis of my surroundings.

I want to kick myself for noticing every small detail all the time.

Monstruo.

Eyes for a killer
She slides the blade across the table ready to make an offer
One more body on top of the board
One more body and still
Nothing.

She looks you in the eyes when she says:
I’ve got something to offer you.
And I’ve got to tell you, it’s not pretty.
I look at myself point blank
And still I can’t tell you what kind of monster I am

Yes, she’s moving on looking for direction
It’s a disease, a cancer that that pulls her
Perfect for the art of execution

And still she cries “Protect me!” as her eyes close
And still her knuckles turn white hot
Squeezing out the life that demands entrance into her veins
She does not want warmth.
No, she’s looking for easy redemption.

She thinks to herself:
Yes. At least I am justified.
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This has nothing to do with what’s written above.
FYI.

I just realized I’m on placebos. I’m not on hormones.
Jesus Christ. I was wondering why the fuck I even cared.

I turn into such a disgusting emotional tardface.
Ugh. I mean, I’ve realized it now. So I’ve got it kind of under control.
I still feel emotional. I just don’t really feel LIKE being emotional.

Fuck drugs, man. If I didn’t have a condition, I would be off this shit in a second.

I can’t even enjoy my music right now. It’s like every song is rubbing the wrong nerve.
It’s just so irritating. I don’t like that it makes me weak.
I care about things I’ll laugh about in a couple days.
It just intensifies every emotion I’ve got a hundred fold.

I’m totally not even myself.

At least I’m not crying over pizza anymore.
That first week was ridiculous.