I did it.

So it’s Sunday, and school starts Tuesday.

Logically speaking, I should be asleep right now. So, you know. I have some chance of going to bed at a normal time on Monday.

But all I want to do right now is get out of my house.
And lay under the fucking stars.
And do something productive.
And make someone smile.
And get so goddamn cold I wont be able to feel my fingers.
And write about how insanely amazing that kind of freedom is.
Document my individuality or some bullshit.

I want to sit on the side of the road and watch what people do in the middle of the night. No, I’m not scared.

I want to make a connection with someone I don’t know. Even eye contact through a frosted window.

Yeah, we’re here and we’re both seeing the sky tonight.

Would they see the same thing I would?

I wonder what the trees would think of us. They probably take the outdoors for granted, just like I take these walls for granted.

“Why outside?
This stretch of road never changes. People pass by like this all the time.”

Maybe someone would understand and stop to watch the sky with me.
That’s all I ever need.

But tonight isn’t the night for any of that. There’s boundaries, rules, and lights.

Another night is going by without me as witness. I’ll never see the Sunday stars from January 20th, 2008.

Who wants to take a trip to nowhere?
Are you restless like me?
______________________________________________

Summer allows for all sorts of unusual behavior.
I finally did what I wanted to do five months ago.

It was just as numbing as I thought it would be.
But I’m surprised by a revelation I had.

People really are generally unhappy. xD

And I’m not just saying that because I’m projecting.
Because I’m not. I’m doing decent.
I looked into car windows for hours tonight.
Hours.
And the faces were all the same.
Everyone either looked at me with longing curiosity, fear, or spite.

And the same with the people who passed me sitting on the curb.
One man and his wife audibly protested that I must be high.

And a police officer patrolling the park I was sitting near asked me if I was planning something.

I started to wonder how intimidating I looked sitting there in my white vans, jeans, and my Ralph Lauren jacket. (Which I want to promptly destroy at this moment in time.)

I just wanted to see what people were feeling.
If they were just like me.
Or nothing like me.

When I got home I went out into the backyard and found a piece of glass that had been torn off our old stove.

On it I wrote all the questions I started asking myself about the people I saw.
Then I put it outside.

It’s just food for thought because I wont get any direct answers.
But I did put instructions on it.
People respond alarmingly well to random public messages.

That’s the reason why I spent most of my summer before senior year in high school tagging the old community center and gazebo.
I painted opposing ideas on the structures, just to see if people would react.
And how they would react.

And after a couple of weeks, the people who knew I was responsible started linking me to pictures on myspace of people standing next to my graffiti.
And pasting me blogs about it.
And telling me their own thoughts.

But now those structures are torn down.
And I want to start something new.
And radical.

And figure out why people are happy.
Why they’re not.
Who they hate and why.
What their problems are.
Who they love.
What they wish they could be.

Blah blah blah.

I want to know who I’m surrounded by.
Who are the people I see every day?
Who are the people I don’t see?

Hello, summer project.

I’m also going to see the sunrise once a week.
And watch the sunset as often as I can.
I think I’ll really like that.